What can men do? Talk about it. When you talk to your family, friends and work associates about it, you help other men. You make it safer for a man who is a victim of domestic violence to tell someone about it—to seek the help he needs.

Find out more about it. Check out the Web resources listed at the bottom of the page, including a recent ABC News Special: Beating Up on Battered Men

Here’s some information from Phil Cook’s pamphlet for battered men. (Ordering information: see Phil's Web site. Why not order a handful and try to get your local DV shelter program to put them out?)

HOW MEN COPE

Taking on a macho “I can handle it” attitude. Even if you have been hurt much worse on an athletic playing field, that is not the same thing as being physically attacked by your intimate partner, which hurts emotionally as well as physically. Allowing this pattern to continue can result in depression, substance abuse, loss of confidence, even suicide. (At its worst, It has resulted in death at the hands or a partner or someone induced to kill you by the partner.)

“Men Don’t Tell.” This is the actual title of a fact-based CBS TV movie about male victims of domestic abuse. Keeping silent, (not confiding to a friend, relative or professional) is a common reaction of both male and female victims of domestic abuse; it’s embarrassing. Men typically face a greater degree of disbelief and ridicule than do most women in this situation, which helps enforce the silence. Domestic violence victims make excuses for injuries that show (“It was an accident” or “it happened while playing sports”) when friends or medical personnel ask about them.

Hiding From it. Men often escape a bad home life that they are afraid of by spending extra time at work, staying in “their” space (garage, den) at home, or even sleeping in the car or at a friends place.

What if you’ve been battered? Don’t brush it off or ignore it. Talk about it. Tell someone. Realize that you’re not the only one—a lot of other men are in the same boat! Check out the resources listed below. Check out Washington’s Domestic Violence Hotline Web page. Ignore the articles about “Information for an Abused Woman” and “Emotional Reactions of Abused Women”—they’ll just make you mad. Their other information, “Am I a Victim” and “Your Personal Safety Plan” works for men as well as women.

http://www.domestic-violence.org/

The Washington State Domestic Violence Hotline is:
1-800-562-6025.
They can direct you to a local shelter. Have a pencil and paper handy before you call, and take notes. The DSHS Program Manager says that the programs are, by law, to be gender-neutral and offer services to men as well as women.
If you find this not to be true, please e-mail me and tell me of your experience. Be sure to include the name and phone number of the shelter service you called, the date(s) and time(s), the person(s) you spoke to, and what they said.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline is:
1-800-799-7233
The woman I spoke to there suggested I have men call that line if they are victims of domestic violence. She says that most DV shelters serve men as well as women.If you find this not to be true, please e-mail me and tell me of your experience.

S.A.F.E. (http://www.safe4all.org) concentrates on domestic violence against straight men, gay men, and lesbian women, because few services exist for these groups. Personal stories, a comprehensive listing of Web resources and books, info on local shelters and groups that help battered men or offer services for abusive women, suggestions on how you can make a difference in the lives of people affected by abuse. E-mail list and Bulletin Board.