If you have been in a violent relationship, you may
have some of these feelings:

afraid to tell anyone depressed or humiliated afraid you have failed as a lover guilty about leaving her or scared of coping alone furious that she could do or say what she did confused because sometimes she is loving and kind guilty about leaving her

frustrated and sad because you tried everything afraid of continued violence if you leave panicked that you may lose your male identity if people know what has been going on worried about your financial security made to believe that you deserved it

Female violence is:
Any behaviour which is adopted by a woman to control you, which causes physical, sexual or psychological damage or causes you to live in fear. Physical and sexual violence are the most obvious forms of violence. Pushing, biting, hitting, punching and using a weapon are all forms of violence. Forcing you to participate in sex is violence. Threats are a form of violence.

Other forms of violence include:
Unsafe driving, destroying your possessions, insulting or humiliating you publicly, lying, making you think you're crazy or stupid, controlling your money, isolating you from friends or family, hurting your children or pets, blackmail, treating you like a servant, threatening murder or suicide, drugging you, creating a sense of impending punishment.

It may be helpful to look at some of the ways you've coped until now:

you have been careful about what you say, when you say things and how you say them.

you have tried to talk to her about her stress, drug use or moods.

you have given up doing anything likely to upset her.

you adapt your behaviour to what she says she wants.

you tried to make agreements or set boundaries.

We all experience stress, trauma, anger, and fear but a violent woman chooses to use violence to control and get her own way. She CAN control her violence but she chooses to control and abuse you. She uses violence deliberately to weaken your choices to act.